I was truly blessed to be able to blend into my family while my stepson was very young. He really does not remember a time where Caity wasn't with Daddy, and can only recall stories that he's been told about anytime before. I was there for every stage in his young life with the exception of infancy. I changed diapers, was honored to be apart of some of his "firsts", and made many memories along the way. We bonded instantly, and still have an unreal connection. I love him as if he were my own.
That is why being a step-mother is so hard.
You pour your heart, soul, sweat and tears into a child and your entire being is consumed with an undeniable love. You participate in sports, school, and home activities and often go above and beyond because (maybe) you just don't know any other way. But then, and at least in my case, you have to step back and realize that after all that -- they aren't your biological child. They still have a mother, and it's not you. The child that you love so much has biological parents who make the decisions.
You can't always protect the little hands you cherish. You don't get to chose the best school possible for them. You don't get to chose how the other mother loves them. Often times, where you live, your finances, your vacations, your schedule --- pretty much your whole life is dependent on another woman who you may or may not get along with.
You think you understand your role, but often times a situation comes along that can really mess with your head. Emotions like that can take a toll on you, as it has for me. You keep your head up, re-group, and remember that you can only control what happens at your home and you make damn sure that you make that the best that you can. ...but I know that's hard, so I'll leave you with the serenity prayer:
"God, give me the courage to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
hint:: the wisdom is the most difficult part.
-C
