"Just" a Stepmom

If you've been following Mumsy Memoirs, you've probably noticed that I have not written a post in a week. Well... Only a couple of posts into the "blogger-sphere" and I swear I must have hit a "internet trolls commence" button because I received a message questioning my right to have a mommy blog since I am in fact not a real mother. At first I was a little taken back. Did it really offend someone to the extent that the they would take the time out of their day to call me out??

I used the past week to dig down deep and put some thought into the words of this individual. As I began to ponder these thoughts, the infamous "T.H.I.N.K. Before you share" infographic popped into my mind. You know..

T - is it true?

H - is it helpful?

I - is it inspiring?

N - is it necessary?

K - is it kind?

Clearly, I know the posts I write are true. I always hope to be helpful and inspiring and obviously kind, but I became stuck on necessary. How necessary is it for me to be writing a "mommy blog"? After all, I'm just a stepmom. I took a couple days to see what possible fact I could conjure, that could justify that what I was doing was necessary. Then it hit me like a freight train... I'm not just a Stepmom. I am a Stepmom, and I'm damn proud of the parent I am. (Isn't it funny how one word can dramatically change the meaning of a sentence?)

I came into my little boogers life when he was still very young. He doesn't know of a life with his bio-mom and Daddy instead of his daddy and his Caity (And to answer the question you have in the back of your mind -- No, I was not "the other woman"). I changed diapers, wiped snot off his face with my own clothes in desperation, and kissed hundreds of boo-boo's and scraped knees. I invited in a little shadow into my bed in the middle of the night after a nightmare, and snuggled, and played, and taught , and learned more then I could've ever imagined. I fell in love with the absolute sweetest little boy -- all because I invited the opportunity to accept the love his father gave me. 

Becoming a stepparent is hard. There is no manual they give you, no "What to Expect" books, only suggestions from other step-parents that may or may not have a situation similar to yours. A decision as simple as having dessert or going to a movie can be cause for conflict. Something that you would never think twice about if they were your own kid, now becomes a decision you have to heavily weigh and hope that your doing the right thing. So you keep on keepin' on and do your best. Sometimes your best pisses people off. Sometimes certain people are just pissed because whatever your doing is the best. In either case, step-parenting is not for the faint of heart. 

You shrug off the judgement that comes at you from all directions and you objectively try to do what's best for the child every time it comes time for you to do anything. When being a stepmama, there is never consideration about what's best for yourself or dad or bio mom, it's all about the kids! Period. There is no right or wrong in being a stepparent so you have to wander the grey area alone. 

There is a fun side of step-parenting though, and that's that you get to be whatever your kiddo needs. Sometimes, J needs a friend, a confidante, a teammate, a coach, a teacher, a boo-boo inspector, a personal chef, or a gaming opponent. Then other times, he needs me to be a mom. It's not to push his bio-mom out of his life or step on her toes. It's to step up and give J what he needs and deserves. 

Sometimes a bio-parent may be stubborn and doubt a child's ability, and a stepparent can step in and teach the kiddo potty training because they needed it. Other times, a bio-parent may have dropped the ball on teaching their kid to tie their shoes. After waiting and waiting and waiting for bio-parent to step up, a good stepparent steps in! Why you ask?? Because it's not about the adults, it's about the children and their needs. As long as you are doing everything in your power to do what's best for the kids, nothing else matters. 

I am not wicked as movies suggest, and I do not wish to "play house" with another woman's biological child. Being a stepparent wasn't ever something I wished for but I do everything I can to make sure that J has everything he needs. I do this because I am a Stepmom.

"Too Cool" Mom

I think we've established over the last couple posts that I'm crazy. Not seriel killer crazy, but definitely "chase my kid around the park with t-Rex arms and growling" kind of crazy. I see moms on the bench judging me in their put together outfits with high heels and perfect hair, but I'm going to let you in on a little secret... I DONT CARE! I will absolutely run up and down the playground equipment and play tag and go down the slide a million times because that's the kind of mom I am. I cant be the "too cool" mom, so I refuse to try. It works out great for some people and that is awesome if it does for you, but it doesn't for me and here's why:

1. Look at my kid. Do you see that ear to ear grin? That alone is worth enduring anyone's snotty stares. Every kid wants their parents to play with them even when they don't ask, gosh, especially when they don't ask! While on vacation, J and I were playing in the pool at the hotel and a young girl, probably about 10 came up and said "I wish my mom played with me like that, your son is very lucky". (We invited her to play sharks and minnows with us). But how sad is that?!? A 10 y/o little girl who feels left out by her mom?

2. Priorities. I want my children to always know that they are my priority. That no matter what, when they need me I'll be there for them. Creating trust like that doesn't happen over night, and I think we all know that actions speak louder then words.

3. Learning. My stepson knows that whenever I can, I will play with him. He knows beyond a doubt that he is a fun kid and that I enjoy my time with him. So, when I actually am busy and can't play with him, he doesn't question me. He trusts that what I am doing really, truly is important. By playing with him as often as I can, I have also been able to help teach him when and where playtime is appropriate. You won't ever see J running around a restaurant because he knows that that's not the place. 

4. Deeper level of trust. Chances are when you spend an hour with your kid giving them tips on how to slide into base or flip on the monkey bars they are going to value your opinion. Later that night when you tell them spinach is actually good and will help fuel them up for tomorrow's baseball... They might actually trust your opinion on that too!

5. Confidence. When I sit out at the park because I'm afraid of what other moms might think of me, I'm showing J that strangers options matter or that having fun is something to be ashamed of. He's not doing anything wrong and neither am I by playing, why would I dare taint his idea of playtime like that?! That's what childhood is supposed to be!

There are lots of reasons why cutting loose with your kids is a great thing -- for you and them! Of course different things work for different people, but this is what works for us and why!

How do you play with your kids? What kind of mom are you??

~C

First adventures of summer!

I was so blessed as a child to have been given a vast array of experiences. Unlike most kids that were in my elementary school class, I had taken every mode of transportation (plane, train, boat, ect..) and some I had even been given the opportunity to drive! I was a pretty well traveled little snot and could easily fit into a fancy brunch at a five-star hotel, as well as, squat in the woods to pee. If I thank my parents for anything, it would have to be all of the experiences they gave me. Those experiences gave me a glimpse into so many different "worlds" that I was able to relate to an assortment people and even have an advantage in school. The outcomes of all those experiences are what drive me to want to provide a similar childhood for my stepson. 

We started our summer adventure list off with a simple hike up the Castle rock, which is right here in town. I got a little excercise, and he got so much more. We saw a couple of rabbits, some lizards and learned some basic hiking rules like stepping to the side for other hikers. Just that simple hike got us talking about things we probably never would have, and was a great overall experience. We will definitely be adding some more hikes t to our "adventure list" this summer!

The next thing we crossed off our summer to-do list was to go to Morrison, CO and visit Dinosaur Ridge. What a COOL place! We actually got free tickets from our local library so I would definitely recommend to check with your to see if they do something similar!! 

Currently, that area of the foothills is one of the only migration paths that birds of prey use in North America. That particular ridge also happens to be their "resting place" because they can gain good visual clues from the high elevation. 

Billions and billions of years ago though, Colorado was beachfront property and dinosaurs roamed around! We had the most amazing tour and viewed some incredible tracks and markings left from those ancient beings. J learned so, SO much and just hung on every word the guide said. For a kid who hasn't even been interested in dinosaurs since his toddler age, he was still completely infatuated and I'm not sure he has thought anything has been that "cool" in a while!

If you are in Colorado, I highly recommend both trips! Both little adventures were free, both allowed me to get in some excercise, both were tons of fun, and both are experiences that expanded his mind and created great memories!

What adventures do you have on your list??? Comment below!

-C

Keep kids reading over summer!

If your kiddo is in school, I'm sure you've already gotten the plea from teachers.. "Make sure kids keep reading over summer!!". It's no secret that if your kiddos aren't reading over the summer that it could potentially and most likely set them back and put them on the "summer slide". The summer slide is not a good thing. In fact, while many different opinions are out there on the World Wide Web, the average loss of skills is about 22% of the school year! I don't know about you, but read our sweet little tushies off during the school year. We worked hard on fluency, we worked on vocabulary and we read and read and read to help our little booger get to where he needed to be. He entered into the first grade below grade average at a DRA reading level 2 and ended the year at a level 20+. Like h-e-double hockey sticks if I'm not going to help him retain those skills over summer! 

But wait! How in the world is it possible over summer? The schedule is completely different, we have things to do, vacations to go on, it's hard to be a part-time teacher too! ---If this is your thought process, you might want to keep reading.

Here are my tips to ensuring your kiddo gets the literacy time they need:

1. Be a role model. Kids often will try to mimick your priorities. If you don't care about reading, chances are that they won't either. So pick up a book, a magazine, or read a blog ; ) and show your kids that reading can be fun!

2. Participate. So many organizations out there have kids reading programs that you can join in on. The best place to look is always your local library, then make sure you check out any independent book stores! If all else fails, look into a larger book store chain like Barnes and Noble. Even some Pizza Hut franchises have a reading program! Most of these place make reading programs fun and offer incentives for your kids so they can look forward to a new book or prize or even a pizza! It can be so much fun for kids to set goals and watch them achieve them!

3. Have plenty of reading material. This one sounds obvious, but it took me a while to realize that J got bored of reading when his reading level was low. At that level, you could only find so many books that were "just right" for him and they all had the same formatting, same characters, and same basic story line with no details. I started going to independent book stores, shipping books in, and getting several books a month and J completely changed! He was so excited to see what new and unique books he got to read. I just made sure to keep them coming and to make sure they were all different!

4. Read to them. When kids are small, it doesn't matter how many unique books you buy, the fact of the matter is, that until they are reading at a 2nd/3rd grade level AT LEAST, books are vague. The have very few details in order to keep the vocabulary at an achievable level, so honestly, they can be pretty boring. Go pick up your favorite elementary chapter book and read them a chapter a night. You'd be amazed at how much ambition they gain when they become fascinated by a story line. (I'll post later about some of our favorites)

5. Visit. Spend a Saturday at a bookstore or at your local library! Chances are you could even catch a storytime or fun activity! At my local library, there is an entire wing dedicated to kids that's decorated fun, has engineering toys, puppet shows, music, kids magazines, computers set up with literacy games and awesome reading spaces. Let your kiddo explore and find new books and it might lead to new interests! That single trip could feed your child's passion for reading!

6. Change the rules. During the school year, kids are told what to read, when to read and how long to read. It's not bad, that's just how it is. Especially with sports, you have to have routine. During the summer though, we let J loose! We make sure to set aside time everyday for him to read, but everything else is up to him. He chooses the medium (computer article, magazine, book, ect..), he chooses what he wants to read, and chooses how long he wants to read. We've found that by giving him the freedom, he actually becomes more engaged and reads way longer then he would otherwise. The goal is to try to eliminate summer learning loss so it doesn't really matter how we achieve it, just that we do!

As always, please comment/share! I'm happy to help you find other solutions if you have a tricky kiddo! 

Happy reading!

~C

What do I Wear?!?

I'm not going to lie, being a parent has made me feel ...(wait for it)... Like I have multiple personalities! Yeah, you were waiting for me to say magical or give you some sappy answer, but really I'm just crazy. I feel like the biggest issue facing parents today is the struggle between expectations and reality. I would love to be one of those "on top of it" moms with the perfect Pinterest crafts and matching snacks, but I have an actual, real life to live, so those Pinterest worthy projects have to actually be worth my time. For it to be worth my time, it needs to give back... And by that, I mean I want it to make something easier for me!

Now, I didn't actually find this on Pinterest, but it definitely gave me the inspiration while pursuing through more creative people's ideas! This "what do I wear" chart was a straight blessing during the school year and has completely taken the arguing out of getting ready in the morning, so it definitely classifies under the "worth my time" category. 

Every Sunday, I write down the weekly forecast with temperature and whatever weather icon is on my iPhone on our family's Week Calendar. This calendar is located right in the hub of our home so it's easily accessible to my husband and I, as well as the little guy. Every morning, J can take a quick look at the calendar to see what the temperature is going to be and look to see if it's going to be sunny, cloudy, raining or snowing. With information acquired, he can go to his closet and check out this handy-dandy little chart I made!

As you can see from the picture, it's just a table from a word document, nothing too fancy. J just has to see where the temperature is and then it clearly lists what articles of clothing he can wear. For example, if it's 71* out, he finds the 70 on his chart and looks down the line-- okay,t-shirt, shorts, and I need to have a sweater. In his closet I keep a couple of pre-made outfits so he can just grab and go, but most of the time it's really up to his choosing what shirt or pants he wears because I know he will still be dressed appropriately for the weather.

Now, the chart is not perfect. There are still mornings where I give him some additional instruction because let's face it, I live in Colorado and the weather is crazier then I am, but most days it's an awesome foundation to build off of.

Remember to comment with any questions or thoughts, share with anyone and everyone, and follow/like!

Happy Monday!

~C

Mumsy Memoirs has liftoff!

3, 2, 1... Blastoff!

We are now expanding our social media footprint! Yay! 

Your at the website so no need to post our URL but you can also follow us on Facebook and Instagram!!

Facebook - www.facebook.com/mumsymemoirs

Instagram - @mumsymemoirs

PLEASE give me some feedback and tell me what you like/what you don't like, if there are any topics you'd like me to cover, and any comments you have! Once we have a few more followers you can look forward to some giveaways (free stuff, yay!!) so share/follow/like/comment!

Sleepytime Tea Recipe

YES, this is the tea I was talking about in my previous post about Bedtime. You want this recipe. Yes, yes, yes. This sweet elixir helps my little booger start nodding off to dreamland and actually is pretty delectable!

Everyone knows about the warm milk trick to help with insomnia, this just takes it to the next, and yummier level. First I fill J’s mug 3/4 full of milk. In the picture it shows 1%, but most of the time for this tea I give him whole milk. I microwave that for about 1 minute or until its lukewarm.

Next, I put about a half a tablespoon of honey. 

**WAIT** WHY ARE YOU GIVING HIM SUGAR BEFORE BED???

–Good Question! While the honey does act as a sweetener to make the tea a little more appealing, honey can actually act as a sleep aid! Check out this informative little bit I found here.

“Honey can be a health aid for sleepless nights. Similar to sugar, honey can cause a rise in insulin and release serotonin — a neurotransmitter that improves mood and happiness. “The body converts serotonin into melatonin, a chemical compound that regulates the length and the quality of sleep,” Rene Ficek, registered dietitian and lead dietitian nutritionist at Seattle Sutton’s Healthy Eating in Chicago, Ill., told Medical Daily in an email.

Moreover, honey also contains several amino acids, including tryptophan that is commonly associated with turkey. Honey’s steady rise in insulin, according to Brennecke, causes the tryptophan in honey to enter the brain, where it’s then converted into serotonin and then into melatonin, which is a sleep aid. This hormone is responsible for regulating sleep and wake cycles.”

Yep, you heard it right, all the ingredients in this tea will help your kiddo sleep even though it tastes great! SO back to the recipe…

I put the warm milk and honey back in the microwave for about 30 seconds just to warm the honey up enough that it’s easy to stir. You want the milk/honey mixture to be warm but not to hot for your little ones.

Then I steep the Traditional Medicines Organic Nighty Night tea in the milk mixture until it gets a slight caramel color to it. It wont actually turn dark because of all the milk, but it will change color enough that you’ll know.

If you like the recipe and the blog so far, follow/share/like!

Sweet Dreams little boogers!
-C

Bedtime

Ahhh, the dreaded “Bedtime”. That single word on its own can be the cause of nightmares for parents everywhere! While as an adult, I personally cannot wait until bedtime, it usually isn’t the same with kids. Kids see bedtime as being left alone…in the dark… with monsters… that are going to GET THEM… and then they’re going to DIE. No, really, but in all seriousness, kids really do see bedtime as the worst possible scenario to end their day!

I hear all the time about the song and dance parents do every night to get their kids to even just lay in their room, and it’s ludicrous! **NEWSFLASH** If those little boogers don’t sleep, you don’t sleep, so how do you actually make that happen?! My “step”-booger is 7 years old, and I thank the lucky stars that we started our nigh-night routine a couple of years ago because now he practically puts himself to bed!

Here’s what the magical “Nigh-Night Routine" looks like at our house:

We eat dinner around 5:30pm-6:00pm depending on what I’m cooking. I think its been important in our home to keep this pretty consistent because hungry boys = grumpy boys and not having dinner at the same time has pretty much always made that happen! After dinner, J has to “clean up his place” at the table by bringing the dishes to the sink to rinse off and load in the dishwasher. He then has about 30 minutes of playtime, followed by a quick 20 minute pick-up of any toys, his playroom and bedroom.

After clean-up, J gets his specialty “Sleepytime Tea“. During clean-up and tea time, I’m running the bath for him with the most A-M-A-Z-I-N-G bubbles known to man, Aromasauruas “Sleep”, which is an organic aroma therapy bubble bath for kids. I say with the most sincere and serious face, it’s amaze-balls. The mixture of lavender, poppy, tangerine, passion flower, rose, and chamomile even made my rough and tough, country hubby beg to soak in some! Now, J totally knows that this is all a set-up so he works hard to get any playtime he can while soaking in the tub but honestly, its okay because the sleepytime tea and bubbles are already working their magic and relaxing him! (BTW he usually hops in the bath at 7:00pm and out by 7:30pm)

Now, I break up the paragraph because I think it’s important that I note that the above routine is what we do normally, however, now that he has gotten SO good at going to bed, all of those things don’t “HAVE TO” happen. If your just starting a bedtime routine, I seriously recommend it and recommend sticking with it every single night, but once your routine is established you can start cutting corners.

After bath-time it’s time for J to get on his pajamas. His bottom dresser drawer is filled with pre-matched pj outfits so he can choose whatever he wants whether it be aliens, baseball, or sharks! We go potty, brush teeth, find a stuffed animal, and say a prayer, then its time for the quintessential part of nigh-night routine. J has already read books before dinner time for his homework log, so instead of getting that big brain turning gears, he simply reads a poem. The deal is, if he reads — I read, and he always wants to listen to a story. I can’t stress enough how much I believe in the importance of kids reading every day and being read to every day. Even when they first start reading, their books are honestly not very captivating so I’ve noticed that when you read them a good book, they become more interested in wanting to read. I usually just read one chapter, but if he wasn’t goofing off it usually allows for an extra one!      

After story, he gets up and goes potty one more time and shuts off his bedroom light. He crawls back into his bed with me and he gets a couple minutes if he has anything else to say. This could be a request for breakfast in the morning, or letting me know something he forgot to tell me during the day, but most the time is just gibberish, followed by an “I love you”. Next, and most importantly, we have “snuggles”. I set the time on my phone for ten minutes. During those ten minutes, there is no talking or goofing off and eyes must be shut. If he breaks any of those rules, I am allowed to get up and leave. We snuggle for ten minutes, and most the time he is out before my alarm even goes off. The doo-da-do-da-doo-da-do on my phone is silenced, and I kiss him goodnight.
Sweet dreams
~C