"Just" a Stepmom

If you've been following Mumsy Memoirs, you've probably noticed that I have not written a post in a week. Well... Only a couple of posts into the "blogger-sphere" and I swear I must have hit a "internet trolls commence" button because I received a message questioning my right to have a mommy blog since I am in fact not a real mother. At first I was a little taken back. Did it really offend someone to the extent that the they would take the time out of their day to call me out??

I used the past week to dig down deep and put some thought into the words of this individual. As I began to ponder these thoughts, the infamous "T.H.I.N.K. Before you share" infographic popped into my mind. You know..

T - is it true?

H - is it helpful?

I - is it inspiring?

N - is it necessary?

K - is it kind?

Clearly, I know the posts I write are true. I always hope to be helpful and inspiring and obviously kind, but I became stuck on necessary. How necessary is it for me to be writing a "mommy blog"? After all, I'm just a stepmom. I took a couple days to see what possible fact I could conjure, that could justify that what I was doing was necessary. Then it hit me like a freight train... I'm not just a Stepmom. I am a Stepmom, and I'm damn proud of the parent I am. (Isn't it funny how one word can dramatically change the meaning of a sentence?)

I came into my little boogers life when he was still very young. He doesn't know of a life with his bio-mom and Daddy instead of his daddy and his Caity (And to answer the question you have in the back of your mind -- No, I was not "the other woman"). I changed diapers, wiped snot off his face with my own clothes in desperation, and kissed hundreds of boo-boo's and scraped knees. I invited in a little shadow into my bed in the middle of the night after a nightmare, and snuggled, and played, and taught , and learned more then I could've ever imagined. I fell in love with the absolute sweetest little boy -- all because I invited the opportunity to accept the love his father gave me. 

Becoming a stepparent is hard. There is no manual they give you, no "What to Expect" books, only suggestions from other step-parents that may or may not have a situation similar to yours. A decision as simple as having dessert or going to a movie can be cause for conflict. Something that you would never think twice about if they were your own kid, now becomes a decision you have to heavily weigh and hope that your doing the right thing. So you keep on keepin' on and do your best. Sometimes your best pisses people off. Sometimes certain people are just pissed because whatever your doing is the best. In either case, step-parenting is not for the faint of heart. 

You shrug off the judgement that comes at you from all directions and you objectively try to do what's best for the child every time it comes time for you to do anything. When being a stepmama, there is never consideration about what's best for yourself or dad or bio mom, it's all about the kids! Period. There is no right or wrong in being a stepparent so you have to wander the grey area alone. 

There is a fun side of step-parenting though, and that's that you get to be whatever your kiddo needs. Sometimes, J needs a friend, a confidante, a teammate, a coach, a teacher, a boo-boo inspector, a personal chef, or a gaming opponent. Then other times, he needs me to be a mom. It's not to push his bio-mom out of his life or step on her toes. It's to step up and give J what he needs and deserves. 

Sometimes a bio-parent may be stubborn and doubt a child's ability, and a stepparent can step in and teach the kiddo potty training because they needed it. Other times, a bio-parent may have dropped the ball on teaching their kid to tie their shoes. After waiting and waiting and waiting for bio-parent to step up, a good stepparent steps in! Why you ask?? Because it's not about the adults, it's about the children and their needs. As long as you are doing everything in your power to do what's best for the kids, nothing else matters. 

I am not wicked as movies suggest, and I do not wish to "play house" with another woman's biological child. Being a stepparent wasn't ever something I wished for but I do everything I can to make sure that J has everything he needs. I do this because I am a Stepmom.