Shoe Tying

I don't know about you, but my little guy is a very "out-of-the-box" thinker. Although he is very smart, he is not the kind of kid who learns in a traditional manner. We seriously have been working on tying his shoes for a good two years. We bought the little fake shoe at the store, we've practiced and practiced and practiced, we've tried teaching him about knots...and, nothing! None of the normal ways taught him how to tie his shoes. So all last year we had a first grader who couldn't tie his own shoes. By the first grade teachers stop helping kids tie their shoes so he had the option to ask friends for their help, or simply stuff his shoelaces inside his shoes. It was embarrassing for him. He felt discouraged and frustrated that he couldn't get this down, but it just seemed too abstract for him.

We decided that second grade wasn't going to be like that. We were determined to get him tying his shoes before the start of the school year so we dedicated tons of time for summer tying practice. What I didn't realize was that we needed to just get back to the basics. We know that J is an out of the box thinker so why were we trying to go the traditional route with this?!

A little research later and we came up with a game plan! We made sure he understood how to make basic "cross" knots on his shoe. We taught him a little song to remember the steps, and then let him watch us tie his shoes a couple of times. After that, we helped him through it one time on one shoe and he felt SO confident that he tried all by himself on the other shoe.... AND DID IT! YAY! After years of struggle, this took about 5 minutes to master! We will still continue trying the traditional way, but this works for now!

Here's how it goes; Cross, Cross, make a hole, put them (shoelaces) through, and Pull!

I'm not raising Van Gough

It's true, I'm not too sure I see a future famous artist in my little booger. At 7yo though, who knows what's in store for him! So, as a parent, how do you decide what to hang up and what not to? The paranoid voice in my head is constantly scrutinizing my decisions when it comes to how much to encourage J. If I encourage him too much is he going to grow up to be dependent on someone's affirmations or become entitled? We've all seen those kids on TV! You know, the kids/adults who can't sing worth a damn but their parents bought their way to the top, or the ones throwing a fit on MTV's "My Sweet Sixteen". I am terrified of parenting my booger in a way that would screw him up like that! On the other hand, will too little encouragement turn him into a crazed serial killer because he didn't feel loved?!

Parenting is hard. No one wants to royally mess up their kid. 

As a team, my hubby and I decided that we would have to take each picture as a case by case basis. Sometimes artwork can be hung in our craft room, in J's playroom, on the fridge or on a little cork board we have. We really like to encourage him when he does something above and beyond, so sometimess his artwork gets framed and hung. We have a pretty nice house and don't feel that we need macaroni art on every wall so here as the things we consider with each "piece".

1. Time. How much time did the little guy put into it?? This is probably our número uno consideration. If J spent weeks crafting each aspect of a piece of art work, it means a lot more then something he scribbled in 5 minutes before lunch. The quality is clearly better, and besides the point, we don't want to teach him that half-ass work gets the same credit as a job well done.

2. Subject. What is the picture of? Sometimes, boys don't always draw things that are exactly "wall hanging material". It's awesome of he spent a whole week on a cool drawing, but we aren't really going to frame and hang up a picture of army guys blowing up bloody bad guys in our living room. If it's that special, save it in a box, but the subject really does make a huge difference. 

3. Medium. What form of art is it -- crayon, paint, pencil, sculpture...??? Maybe when he's older, he may come home with a really neat charcoal drawing that I can frame, but for now at this age, pencil drawings get the boot. As always, if it's still something he worked hard on, we'll hang it on the fridge or cork board for awhile and save it in a box. Crayon and paint really depend on the time he spent, a quick crayon drawing or a quick painting can be sloppy and not really cause to go out and buy a frame. I know it relates back to the time he spent on it, but sometimes bad paints/crayons on bad paper just don't work out. 

4.House. Do we have room or a perfect place to hang up children's art work? If it's really that special, we can usually find a place, but we also don't want to rule out that one day there will be a good piece that just doesn't fit in our home. It also makes it hard when they start making clay sculptures -- sometimes it just has to become a piece that's not on display for guests and maybe goes in a bedroom or storage to save for later. 

These categories really make us think hard about our decision to hang our little boogers work around our home, and we think makes it even more special when he does earn it! I'm not sure I'm raising the next Van Gough, but we are going to try to encourage his hard work while being semi-realistic. Hopefully this way he values quality and knows that quality takes hard work and skill. It's a tough world out there, but I think we're putting him on the right track!

Do you think extreme parenting styles can alter a kids behavior (either too encouraging or too realistic)??? How do you balance between the two styles?

-C

Learning opportunities and parenting fails.

J's Father and I try and use every holiday or special occasion into a learning experience. Obviously, Independance Day yesterday served as one of those perfect opportunities! Over the summer, J has to work on a couple of school worksheets everyday to keep his skills up, so of course yesterday, he started his day off by completing some American themed worksheets! His favorite one was where he got to color in a flag, wrote down different facts about the flag and do a short writing response. It gave us the opportunity to talk to him about the Revolutionary War and how we as a people came to be. We love incorporating history lessons or science into real life for him!

Today though, we ran a few errands and ended up working on a landscaping project and planting some trees. Of course we ran into unexpected problems, and J kept getting in the way. We were beginning to get frustrated because he just didn't seem to understand what was going on and kept stepping right where he shouldn't have! Neither of us have a temper, but we both became a little snappy when J continuously stepped in front of the skid steer and put himself in dangerous spots. This isn't something he does, and he definitely knows better! Then it hit me... Yesterday, we were patient and used every second as a teaching opportunity , but today, we didn't give his curiosity a second thought. We had become those parents who became so consumed in our own project that we weren't encouraging his curiosity! 

We slowed down, which was very hard! We took the time to explain every little detail to J, let him touch the pieces we were working with, and answered all his questions. It was "convenient", but afterwords J felt engaged in the project too! It wasn't the adults project, it became the families' project! He began wanting to help, making sure he was in the right place at the right time, and actually being beneficial. 

What started out at a parenting error, ended up being a parenting victory. All it took was taking the time out to teach the little booger what he wanted to learn and he was on board wanting to help! I guess what we learned from today was that it's hard to remember that everyday is a learning experience for a kid, but as parents it's important to cherish those questions and cherish those moments everyday (not just important days) and guide them through this mysterious life!

Love on your kiddos and answer their questions! Parents are a kids best teacher!

-C

#SummerAdventure

Today, the boy and I tried SUP {{stand up paddleboarding}} and what. a. BLAST!! For the love of green beans, seriously! This was something that's been on our checklist for awhile so today we finally gave it a go and now we are hooked! The board is about 9 feet tall and 3 feet wide, so you stand on it (obviously), bend your knees a little and use an oar to paddle along. It's a pretty good workout if you want it to be! I was super nervous about letting J have his own board, but he begged and begged and I figured after yesterday's independence he was probably craving more so I gave in. J is 7 years old, 49 inches and 62 lbs of pure muscle... Yeah, I know, he's a brick, but honestly I wouldn't recommend letting your kiddo unless they are bigger then he is because he was still a little "struggle bus". We are most definitely going to try it a few more times (at least) and hopefully visit a few more lakes!! 

We have a ba-zillion other things on our Summer Adventure checklist though! Here are a few of our checklist to-dos we have to gotten to yet:

-Hikes; Devils Head, Garden of the Gods, and a few local trails

-Fishing (what summer is complete without fishing... really.)

-Visit the Wild Animal Sanctuary 

-Visit Casa Bonita (every Colorado kid has to go at least once)

-Visit as many Penny press machine locations as possible

-Denver Art Museum

-Cheyenne Frontier Days

-Attend several hometown events: Movie night, Splash at the Park, concerts, ect..

What's on your to-do list??

~C

My kid told me to pack sand

Skateboarding --not really something I never imagined my kid doing. Not that I really have anything against it, just silly little presumptuous ideas that came from stereotypes. So, needless to say that his father and I were a little shocked when J said he wanted to skateboard. We try really hard though to preserve his innocence, so we set out own judgement aside and got him set up with all the gear he would possibly need. Kids see the world in such a wonderful way, that the last thing we want to do is taint his childhood by exposing him to an adults judgmental view. Our poor little buddy looked like a nerd covered head to toe in padding, but he had what he wanted!

He occasionally worked on learning how to push off with his foot and ride on our flat driveway, and then slowly learned how to turn (kinda)... So to him, of course the next logical step was to go to the Skate Park. Yesterday was just the day.

When we arrived at the skatepark, I was terrified. There were kids everywhere! Big kids too. They were good. My poor little boy was going to get run over or made fun of or hurt... Or even worse feel ashamed. He was excited though! He jumped out of the car, threw on his pads and helmet and started unloading. 

My fears became reality. He did get in people's way, he did fall down a couple of times, and he seemed disappointed that he couldn't do much besides ride around in a circle. An amazing thing happened though, and those big kids surprised me. When he fell, they asked if he was okay. They understood he was little and let him do his thing even when they had to screech to a halt because he got in their way. Not a single mean word was said, no whispers behind his back, just honest to goodness compassion and humility. Their concern over his scrapes and bruises was enough to encourage him to keep trying. He kept at it, and his confidence grew.

It grew so much in fact that he came up to me and said, "I dont want to hurt your feelings, but do you think I could skateboard alone and that you could like go sit in the car or something?" OUCH! Straight to the heart! So he didn't actually say to pack sand, but it sure did feel like it! It's a mixed feeling you get when that kind of thing happens. It's a little bit sad and a little bit proud. Sad that he didn't need me around, but proud that he was confident in himself that I wasn't needed.

I didn't go to the car, but I distanced myself, and as I did I saw even more magic. His confidence and determination were hard for anyone to miss, he tried new things, and made new friends. As parents, we can't be a part of every aspect of our kids life, and one day they won't need us, but watching them shape into amazing individuals is a beautiful, beautiful thing. 

-C

"Just" a Stepmom

If you've been following Mumsy Memoirs, you've probably noticed that I have not written a post in a week. Well... Only a couple of posts into the "blogger-sphere" and I swear I must have hit a "internet trolls commence" button because I received a message questioning my right to have a mommy blog since I am in fact not a real mother. At first I was a little taken back. Did it really offend someone to the extent that the they would take the time out of their day to call me out??

I used the past week to dig down deep and put some thought into the words of this individual. As I began to ponder these thoughts, the infamous "T.H.I.N.K. Before you share" infographic popped into my mind. You know..

T - is it true?

H - is it helpful?

I - is it inspiring?

N - is it necessary?

K - is it kind?

Clearly, I know the posts I write are true. I always hope to be helpful and inspiring and obviously kind, but I became stuck on necessary. How necessary is it for me to be writing a "mommy blog"? After all, I'm just a stepmom. I took a couple days to see what possible fact I could conjure, that could justify that what I was doing was necessary. Then it hit me like a freight train... I'm not just a Stepmom. I am a Stepmom, and I'm damn proud of the parent I am. (Isn't it funny how one word can dramatically change the meaning of a sentence?)

I came into my little boogers life when he was still very young. He doesn't know of a life with his bio-mom and Daddy instead of his daddy and his Caity (And to answer the question you have in the back of your mind -- No, I was not "the other woman"). I changed diapers, wiped snot off his face with my own clothes in desperation, and kissed hundreds of boo-boo's and scraped knees. I invited in a little shadow into my bed in the middle of the night after a nightmare, and snuggled, and played, and taught , and learned more then I could've ever imagined. I fell in love with the absolute sweetest little boy -- all because I invited the opportunity to accept the love his father gave me. 

Becoming a stepparent is hard. There is no manual they give you, no "What to Expect" books, only suggestions from other step-parents that may or may not have a situation similar to yours. A decision as simple as having dessert or going to a movie can be cause for conflict. Something that you would never think twice about if they were your own kid, now becomes a decision you have to heavily weigh and hope that your doing the right thing. So you keep on keepin' on and do your best. Sometimes your best pisses people off. Sometimes certain people are just pissed because whatever your doing is the best. In either case, step-parenting is not for the faint of heart. 

You shrug off the judgement that comes at you from all directions and you objectively try to do what's best for the child every time it comes time for you to do anything. When being a stepmama, there is never consideration about what's best for yourself or dad or bio mom, it's all about the kids! Period. There is no right or wrong in being a stepparent so you have to wander the grey area alone. 

There is a fun side of step-parenting though, and that's that you get to be whatever your kiddo needs. Sometimes, J needs a friend, a confidante, a teammate, a coach, a teacher, a boo-boo inspector, a personal chef, or a gaming opponent. Then other times, he needs me to be a mom. It's not to push his bio-mom out of his life or step on her toes. It's to step up and give J what he needs and deserves. 

Sometimes a bio-parent may be stubborn and doubt a child's ability, and a stepparent can step in and teach the kiddo potty training because they needed it. Other times, a bio-parent may have dropped the ball on teaching their kid to tie their shoes. After waiting and waiting and waiting for bio-parent to step up, a good stepparent steps in! Why you ask?? Because it's not about the adults, it's about the children and their needs. As long as you are doing everything in your power to do what's best for the kids, nothing else matters. 

I am not wicked as movies suggest, and I do not wish to "play house" with another woman's biological child. Being a stepparent wasn't ever something I wished for but I do everything I can to make sure that J has everything he needs. I do this because I am a Stepmom.

"Too Cool" Mom

I think we've established over the last couple posts that I'm crazy. Not seriel killer crazy, but definitely "chase my kid around the park with t-Rex arms and growling" kind of crazy. I see moms on the bench judging me in their put together outfits with high heels and perfect hair, but I'm going to let you in on a little secret... I DONT CARE! I will absolutely run up and down the playground equipment and play tag and go down the slide a million times because that's the kind of mom I am. I cant be the "too cool" mom, so I refuse to try. It works out great for some people and that is awesome if it does for you, but it doesn't for me and here's why:

1. Look at my kid. Do you see that ear to ear grin? That alone is worth enduring anyone's snotty stares. Every kid wants their parents to play with them even when they don't ask, gosh, especially when they don't ask! While on vacation, J and I were playing in the pool at the hotel and a young girl, probably about 10 came up and said "I wish my mom played with me like that, your son is very lucky". (We invited her to play sharks and minnows with us). But how sad is that?!? A 10 y/o little girl who feels left out by her mom?

2. Priorities. I want my children to always know that they are my priority. That no matter what, when they need me I'll be there for them. Creating trust like that doesn't happen over night, and I think we all know that actions speak louder then words.

3. Learning. My stepson knows that whenever I can, I will play with him. He knows beyond a doubt that he is a fun kid and that I enjoy my time with him. So, when I actually am busy and can't play with him, he doesn't question me. He trusts that what I am doing really, truly is important. By playing with him as often as I can, I have also been able to help teach him when and where playtime is appropriate. You won't ever see J running around a restaurant because he knows that that's not the place. 

4. Deeper level of trust. Chances are when you spend an hour with your kid giving them tips on how to slide into base or flip on the monkey bars they are going to value your opinion. Later that night when you tell them spinach is actually good and will help fuel them up for tomorrow's baseball... They might actually trust your opinion on that too!

5. Confidence. When I sit out at the park because I'm afraid of what other moms might think of me, I'm showing J that strangers options matter or that having fun is something to be ashamed of. He's not doing anything wrong and neither am I by playing, why would I dare taint his idea of playtime like that?! That's what childhood is supposed to be!

There are lots of reasons why cutting loose with your kids is a great thing -- for you and them! Of course different things work for different people, but this is what works for us and why!

How do you play with your kids? What kind of mom are you??

~C